I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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