I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
