omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
