I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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