I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
