but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
