I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
