We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
MIDGETS
????
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
