Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
wow bdsm is so cute
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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