i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
