im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
