The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize