You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize