guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
