saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize