and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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