I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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