She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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