can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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