What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
