Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
