Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
tell me about the fingering
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
