She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize