we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
