We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
