Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
