5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
