We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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