I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
