Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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