I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
