Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize