Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
