life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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