I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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