My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
