is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
