I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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