the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
