just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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