I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize