my sisters under your porch take her home
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize