I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
