I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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