your thong is hanging out like whoa
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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