If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I enjoy the company of your penis
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
