you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
