They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
