I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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