I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
