I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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