It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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