I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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