it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
