it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
