I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
