90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's never too late to be topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
