I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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