hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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