I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
