i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
