Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do herpes really smell.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
