We won't sleep together?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
