he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
