there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
