I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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