I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
