Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wear drunk well.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
