Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize