mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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