I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
