As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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