your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
