So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your cock deserves a montage
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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