Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
