like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
